Helping a Victim

Less than half of all dating abuse is reported, and of the victims that do tell someone, 88% tell a friend.¹

What are some signs or changes I might see?

• New eating or sleeping habits
• Being angry all the time
• Doing poorly in school
• Engaging in risky behavior
• Mood swings
• Depression
• Talking about suicide

What can I do?

• If your friend is in immediate danger or needs medical attention, call 911.
• Don't let go--don't let the abuser isolate her from her friends.
• Just be there.
• Express your concern and voice your worries, but don’t judge and don't blame.
• Refer to specific incidents you witnessed that made you worried instead of making generalizations.
• Encourage your friend to speak to a trustworthy adult, or call a  free and confidential hotline.
• DO NOT CONFRONT THE ABUSER--this can put both you and your friend in danger.

What are some good things to say to my friend?

• "You didn't do anything to deserve this--this is not your fault."
• "I'm really glad you came and told me."
• "I'm proud of you, it must have been hard to tell someone about this."
• "I believe you."
• "I'm here for you and I'll support any decisions you make."
• "Let's go talk to someone--I'll even come with you."

What should I not say to my friend?

• "What did you do that s/he did that?"
• "I'm sure it's not really that bad."
• "He/she would never do that."
• "Try not to think about it."
• "This might ruin his/her/your reputation--are you sure you want to tell anyone about this?"

 Click here for a list of resources

 For more information about JWI's programs and projects, email Rella at rkaplowitz@jwi.org

¹Sellers, C. and Bromley, M. (1996). Violent behavior in college student dating relationships:Implications for campus providers. Journal of Contemporary Justice 12(1), 1-27.