JWI CEO Meredith Jacobs' Letter to the Editor in the New York Times
I have been horrified by the dangerous messages being given to young women by the "trad wife" (traditional wife") movement being pushed out on TikTok. The movement and messages were amplified during Turning Point USA's Young Women's Leadership Summit and reported on by the New York Times. My letter to the editor in response to the article 'Less Burnout, More Babies' was published this weekend.
“The tradwife movement, promoted at Turning Point USA’s Young Women’s Leadership Summit, sends a dangerous message to young women: Prioritize marriage and children over personal agency.
As the chief executive officer of Jewish Women International, I see this not as a celebration of motherhood but as a push to make women financially and socially dependent on men. This narrative, amplified by figures like Charlie and Erika Kirk, dismisses women’s autonomy, urging them to forgo careers and reproductive choice.
The hypocrisy of female leaders arguing against careers while benefiting from their own, as one high school student attendee points out in the article, is striking. Women deserve the power to choose their paths — whether motherhood, career or both — without being told their worth lies in subservience. This campaign isn’t about femininity; it’s about control.”
To learn more about the issue, and what I really wanted to say if I wasn't restricted to 200 words, please read below:
Whether it is at the “Young Women’s Leadership Summit” hosted by Turning Point (“Standing Up for Staying at Home,” NY Times, 6/29/25) or from “tradwife” and “stay-at-home girlfriend” TikTok influencers, young women are being assaulted with messages that their goal in life must be to secure a husband and have many children. That it is unwomanly to have a career.
I was a young, stay-at-home mom in Washington, D.C. in the ‘90s at a time when “What do you do?” was asked before “what is your name?” I remember all too vividly, being at law firm events with my husband, then a young associate, and being asked what I do. When I responded, “I’m home raising our children,” how quickly the group’s attention turned to someone else.
My writing gave me a path to a career as a parenting columnist and author. When my children were in middle school, I became editor-in-chief of the Washington Jewish Week, and saw how quickly my friend-group, all stay-at-home moms, fell by the wayside. The opportunities for connection, walking our dogs, playing mahjong or tennis, or participating in book clubs, all were scheduled during the day, “before the kids came home from school,” effectively eliminating anyone who had to work during those hours. I can’t tell you how many of them called me years later, after their children left for college, to ask how I did it, how I had a career, and how they could have one, too.
So I know both sides — stay-at-home mom and CEO. I fought against the “mommy wars.’ I am eternally grateful for the years I was home with my two children and for the meaningful work I now do as CEO of Jewish Women International (JWI), a non-profit dedicated to building a world in which all women may thrive.
The pro-natalist/trad wife message being given to young women today is not a debate about stay-at-home versus working motherhood. It is not about work-life balance or having it all or even the joy of being a mother. It is about being dependent upon and subservient to a man. It is about forgoing access to money. It is about rejecting safe, medical options that give a woman the power to decide when to have children. It is about rejecting agency over your life.
A young woman at the Summit, bravely pointed out the contradiction of hearing the message to forgo a career from female founders and executives. She, and others, should continue to question that hypocrisy. That any man, let alone Charlie Kirk, had the right to answer for those women and imply that they regretted their choice and, if they could do it over, would not be the leaders they are today, is outrageous. I’d love to have a few glasses of wine with some of these speakers and hear what they really think.
Through my work at JWI, I know that 1 out of every 4 women in the U.S has experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by a partner. I know that 99% of domestic violence survivors are victims of financial abuse. I know that between 9% and 25% of women in the U.S experience pregnancy coercion. And I know the efficacy of abusers using all of these aforementioned tools because coupling children and lack of access to money means the victim is unable to leave a dangerous relationship.
I am fearful of the efforts to connect faith with this movement, as if being a true woman of faith means devoting one’s life solely to one’s husband. I know the Bible tells stories of many women — mothers, leaders, judges. Too often, women seek guidance from their clergy and are told to “go home and make peace” as if they are responsible for their husband’s violence. For decades, my organization has worked with clergy to provide understanding of domestic violence, to know how to create a safe environment for victims to disclose abuse and then to know where to refer them for real help, and to assure them that women of faith, like all women, are entitled to live without fear. But far too many clergy of all faiths misuse religious text to keep women in their place — at home, having babies.
There are women who want to be married, but for whatever reason, that hasn’t been their path. There are women who desperately want to have children. But, for probably multiple reasons, they cannot. There are women who want neither. Are Charlie and Erika Kirk, and those like them, saying that these women are somehow lesser than?
This is the far right’s new culture war, falsely pitting “feminism” against “femininity” as if being a “true woman” means being against women’s rights. It is a dangerous campaign to have women give up any semblance of power and control of their lives.
As someone fortunate enough to have experienced years of staying-at-home and years of having a career, even if a woman’s choice is to stay home and raise the children, she must never cede her right to be a partner in all decisions. These campaigns are not about empowering women to be “feminine.” They are about having control and power over women. Period.
Respectfully,
Meredith Jacobs
CEO of Jewish Women International
PS - Join us to support our Young Women's Impact Networks in 12 cities across the country, where we focus on providing young women in their 20s and 30s opportunities to not only grow their confidence and self worth, but also agency.